2013 年商务英语初级写作范文指导
作文题目: You are the office manager at an insurance company. You have arranged for contractors to upgrade your computer system. This means the system will be shut down for a full day. Write a memo of 40-50 words: informing staff of the shutdown telling them when it will happen asking them to prepare alternative work for the day. 老师提示: 商务写作中遵循的原则是:简洁,精确,礼貌。在考试中或者工作中,格式 基本已经 给出, 所以只需要我们写正文即可。 正文中我们写作要做到选词精当, 一针见血,语法正确,不出低级错误的句子。备忘录属于半正式的文体写作,所 以在句子选择 上可以适当放宽,不必太正式。 网友作文一: MEMORANDUM from : Tom TO : all staff date : 25/8 Because our computor system will be upgraded by the contractors on 28 AUGUEST, so the system will be shut down for a full day on that day[1], i ask for you prepare alternative work for the[2] day. and the work don't use computer system . I think you can give a good performance to me to pass the accident. [3] 名师修改意见: [1]Business writing 中尽量少使用 because....so... 这样的结构,看起 来不够专业,改为:As we plan to upgrade.....

[2]有中式英文的痕迹: 我要求你们。 。 改为: 。。 please prepare alternative work if you have to use the computer. [3]这不能算作 accident, 既然已经计划好了。整句去掉。换成 thank you. 网友作文二: From: office manager To: all staff Subject: the company system I would like to notify you that [1]the computer system of our company's will be shut down on this Tuesday for a whole day long [2]on account of the system needs a upgrade.[3]Therefore, please taking notice of this event in advance, in case of some potential inconveniences and troubles on Tuesday, yet prepare alternative work for that day. [4] Thank you.[5] 名师修改意见: [1]去掉这个开头,直接用被动语态开头。 [2]去掉,多余了。 [3]如果你不能保证用长复句可以表达清楚,那么建议换成短句吧。拆成几 个短句也许表达更贴切呢。 [4]这句话看起来非常不清楚,主语在哪里?please 的后面是吗?改成: please make sure that you have prepared alternative work. [5]另换一行 网友作文三: Dear all: The file system will shtudown [1]due to system maintainance next Friday. It will take a full day to finish this job.[2] Please do not acccess the [3]file server that day and backup your files one it[4].

名师修改意见: [1]够干练了,语法错误多。 Be shut down [2]去掉 [3]Access to [4]On it? 网友作文四: From: office Manager To: all staff Subject: upgarde of computer system As our computer system need to be upgraded, we have arranged the contarctors to upgrade the them [1]on Wedesday. On that day all computers should be shutted down for a full day, so you need arrange some alternative work for that day. 名师修改意见: [1]第一: 不要重复使用前面已经用过的词;第二:指代错误,前面说的 system 是单数,怎么到这里变成了 them? 合成一句:as we have arranged the contractor to upgrade our computer system.


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